This is a tough question for everyone. Whether you are super religious, super unsure of what your beliefs are, or even if you are completely against organized religion. When two people come together to be in a relationship, it’s a test of compatibility, and like all tests, it’s hard.
I should make it clear that Shaina and I, though we believe in Jesus Christ with all our hearts, understand that there is truth to all religions.
Faith is a beautiful thing. Period.
I do not live in a Christian bubble. I have many friends, some of my best friends even, who consider themselves atheist, Jewish, Muslim, agnostic, you name it.
One of my best girlfriends recently went on a date with someone who was Christian. This friend is someone who identifies as agnostic. I’ve had many conversations with this friend about my faith and she believes that there is probably a God, but doesn’t put a label on it.
She called me after her date and was explaining to me how she was positive that the reason he didn’t seem interested is because she wasn’t explicitly Christian. She was understandably upset. She wasn’t close-minded. She would have respected his beliefs. He rejected her for what she believed, so she felt that he was the one being close-minded.
Because I am a Christian, I completely understand where this man was coming from. However, because I know how my friend felt, and I understand the pain of rejection, I also understand why this could seem close-minded and cruel.
The reason this guy did not want to continue to pursue her is most likely because he wanted to share his faith with his partner. When we can share major similarities with our significant others, our relationships are deeper. We “get” each other.
That’s the whole point of finding your “person” anyways, right? You want to find someone who you simply “click” with.
Often times, if we share the same God, we also will share the same values and have a similar understanding of the world. This is so important in a romantic relationship. To be good Christians, our sole purpose in life is to love and serve our God. This relationship with God needs to go above all of our earthly desires, and it affects our decisions. There may be some decisions we make due to our Christian perspective that people won’t understand if they aren’t Christian, regardless of how much of an effort they make.
My mom told me when I was younger “you’ll find that your closest friends will be your Christian friends.” I remember kind of rolling my eyes because at the time my best friend was not a Christian. However, she could not have been more right.
Once I meet other Christians, it’s like I have this unspoken bond with them already.
There’s something really special about sharing the same faith.
Shaina and I often reminisce about how our friendship happened in the blink of an eye. We became fast friends the night we met, and without a doubt the reason is because we saw eye to eye on almost everything. We were coming from the same Christian perspective.
Today, our friendship has grown to be even stronger than it was that first night. We help each other in our faith journeys. When I have questions about God, I ask her, and vice versa. We build each other up by praying for each other, and can celebrate God’s answers together. We can worship together, which is one of the most intimate experiences you can have with someone. Perhaps my favorite thing about having a close Christian friend is that we can help each other decipher what God is calling us to do with our lives.
These are things that I want to share with my future husband. I want to be able to talk about God with him and with our children. I want him to come to church with me. I want him to teach me more about God.
Not only that, but if a relationship has God at its core, it is more likely to be healthy and have a strong foundation.
Both partners know what love is because they know God’s unconditional love for them. By having the knowledge of how to love and serve God, this can result in the ability of love and serve another person better. God can be utilized as a constant support system in the relationship.
Now, have I had feelings for someone who was not a Christian? Yes.
I don’t go through my life writing off guys the second they say they don’t share my beliefs.
If you’ve read my testimony, you know that I didn’t always have the same relationship with God that I do today. There is always a possibility that God could use me to help my significant other’s faith and vice versa. We are all growing and changing our ideas all the time.
Maybe you will discover that dating non-Christians just doesn’t line up with what you want in your life. However, If there is someone you are attracted to who is not Christian, I encourage you to test the waters. You will never know if that is really a deal-breaker for you until you’ve experienced it.
When considering a relationship -- present or future -- think about what you value. Do you want your faith to be the central part of your life? Do you want the type of relationship where you can pray together and share openly about your experience with God? Although I don’t recommend focusing too much on the future in a new relationship, consider how you want your marriage ceremony to look. In what faith and with what values do you want your children to be raised? There are no right answers to these questions.
Pray and think about them so that you may hear what God thinks. Are you unsure of a current relationship due to differences in beliefs? Have you had successful relationships with someone who didn’t share your same faith? Comments and questions below!
Lots of love,
Alena
