This past Lent, I struggled to figure out what I wanted to do to honor God. When I say I struggled, I mean it. I was so annoyed with myself for not being able to figure this thing out. I usually loved Lent because God always did something amazing in my life when I was making such a big effort to sacrifice something each day for Him.
This year, I was feeling far from God and not sure what I could do to lead me closer to Him.
In my prayer life right before Lent began, I had realized that all I had been talking to God about was drama in my love life and what I needed help with. It bothered me so much when I realized this.
How could my relationship with God be based on college guys? I totally beat myself up about it. It seemed so selfish.
When I talked to Shaina about this dilemma, she lovingly said “It’s okay! That’s something that is important to you right now. It’s normal.” Although I trusted Shaina’s advice, I still wanted to do something radically different for Lent.
I wanted to steer clear from anything that had to do with where I was struggling in dating. I wanted Lent to be about what it should be: I wanted it to be selfless and totally focused on God and serving Him and His people.
Finally, I decided that for Lent I would do a devotional each day and pair that with writing a letter to the seniors at my college and a few of my best friends to tell them how much I loved and appreciated them. To be honest, this was a fleeting thought I had a couple days before Lent began. My Bible study friends loved the idea though, and they convinced me to go through with it.
It’s not that I didn’t I love the idea behind the letters. I know that seeing beauty in others and sharing that with them is how I love people best. However, what I wasn’t as sure about was how these letters would help my spiritual journey with God, which to me, is what Lent is all about.
While I did the letters and I progressed through my lenten journey, I also thought a lot about a specific relationship in my life. I was obsessing over a guy and I realized that I needed to talk to God about him. Instead of praying for what I wanted or what I hoped would come out of our relationship, I tried to make it selfless in the spirit of Lent. I began to add prayers for this guy and his life each day as another thing on my daily Lent tasks.
I was determined that this Lent would not be about me or my relationships.
Slowly but surely, God amazed me as He took the letters I had written and used them to help me in my dating life. As I wrote these letters and was reminded of how good the gift of love is, God reminded me of all of the big moments that I felt and saw Him the most. It occurred to me that almost every major breakthrough I have had with God has involved at least one other person. I reflected back to the first time I really believed in God, which happened in a moment where I was told I was forgiven by someone who had passed. See my testimony here. I also thought about the big prayers God clearly answered in my life, like what happened in Trusting God’s Timing for Relationships when I met my first boyfriend. I remembered some really scary experiences where God put a kind stranger in my path to help keep me safe. For example, one time someone started following me and a man who saw what was happening pulled up next to me in his car to make sure I was okay. These were all moments where I could clearly see God’s hand, and they helped my faith in Him.
Throughout Lent as I got sweet messages thanking me for my letters and reminding me of how loved I was too, God was telling me that I didn’t have to be ashamed to talk to Him about the people in my life.
In fact, He wanted to connect with me through people, community with each other is one of the biggest blessings He has given us.
Here are a few other things that this whole experience taught me:
1. God will always get you to where you need to be in the right time.
2. You don’t need to worry about the end results. God will make it happen, no matter what you decide to do.
3. Don’t be afraid to ask God for the things you need. I think I always have this idea in my head that my wants are silly but this really showed me how much God cares about the littlest things.
4. All you have to do is try to connect with God somehow, just take a step in the right direction. Even though I was not sold on the idea of writing letters for Lent, I did it anyway, and God used it. I promise, as long as you are doing your best, God is going to guide you.
5. I should’ve listened to Shaina’s advice! She was so right, if something is important to you, God wants to be part of it, because you are important to Him.
Sometimes we get bogged down by the idea that we are terrible sinners who need to constantly be sacrificing things for our Lord. I’ve learned that no matter how you are growing, and whatever you are working on, God will find a lesson in it. You are never bothering God with the areas in your soul that could use some improvement.
So, whether it is boys or friendship drama, body image or addiction, whatever it is that you feel like you talk to God about too much, know that truly, He is not bothered. He is so honored to be involved in the situation, and He wants to help you. Don’t be afraid to talk to God.
Love,
Alena
