When I was in 5th grade there was a guy in my class who I had a huge crush on. According to my friends, he liked me too. This was the first time someone I liked actually liked me too. In my fifth-grade mind, I believed he was “The One.”
Now of course I realize it was illogical, but at the time I truly believed this classmate was made for me and that we needed to get married.
This boy, “Ronan,” changed schools at the end of the year. Because Ronan was “The One,” his leaving my school worried me a lot. I remember being scared that now that the guy that I was meant to be with was gone from my life, we wouldn’t be able to get married, and thus I would never get married (dramatic, I know).
Around the time that I’d learned Ronan had left, my mom randomly decided to bring me to do a meditative Labyrinth at a church near our house. Labyrinths are one of the clearest ways God has spoken to me throughout my life. See my testimony here.
This was the first time I’d ever been on a Labyrinth. I was told that I should think of something I needed to talk to God about and walk through the Labyrinth praying as I walked. By the end, there is supposed to be some sort of release or answer to the prayer(s).
I decided that I would talk to God about Ronan. As I wove through the Labyrinth I talked about my future and how I wanted to get married. I talked about how I really believed Ronan was “The One.”
I told God I was worried that now I’d never see him again.
I can confidently say that this is the day I heard God speak to me for the first time. As I exited the maze, I had a realization. I knew that the new thoughts entering my head were coming from outside of myself, and they had to be what it meant to hear God’s voice. I heard something along the lines of:
“This isn't in your hands, Alena. If you are meant to be together, I can make that happen. You will find out if you should be together in my time.”
After that day I swore to myself that I would never try to find Ronan when I grew up, or worry about him anymore. I was making the decision to trust what God had told me. God could bring us together if He wanted to, so I was going to keep it in His power.
I was good at trusting God when it came to Ronan. In fact, I really didn’t think much about Ronan in the years following. Throughout middle school and high school, however, I was awful at trusting God when it came to other boys and dating in general.
I went to the same small school all my life, and the pool of guys I had to “choose” from was not big. Dating at my school was rare because of the size.
It stressed me out that I had no way of meeting guys.
I had the usual crush on my friends’ brothers, etc., but nothing ever happened. I would go places solely with the intention of finally meeting a guy I could date. I was trying to find a boyfriend desperately, so it’s like I was living for that purpose instead of for God.
The summer after I graduated high school I got a job at a summer camp as a counselor. I was excited because I felt like maybe working at a summer camp would be the perfect romantic setting for a first kiss.
I made a lot of friends that summer, but my perfect first kiss didn’t happen, I didn't fall in love. I was getting so sad that I still had never been kissed.
When would I get my turn?
I wanted my first kiss to be with someone special, but I was losing hope.
I grew a lot that summer, and when I got to college I also learned a lot about myself. I realized how much of a focus guys were in my life that year, and I turned to God for help to end that struggle.
The following summer, I was at church with my mom for an ordination service. Ordinations are important ceremonies to initiate priests into a church. As I was sitting at the service with my mom I saw a guy around my age. He was the photographer for the ceremony.
I looked at him, and in a split second realized that I knew exactly who he was.
It was Ronan! I hadn’t seen him since the last day of fifth grade, and yet somehow I totally recognized him. Plus, he was standing in my church of all places.
I panicked.
I had no idea what to do. The memory of my talk with God all those years ago rushed back. I knew God must have wanted me to talk to him, but I didn’t know how to talk to guys! I quickly whispered to my mom “I think that guy used to go to my school” as the service continued.
For the duration of the service I was so distracted with the fear that I needed to approach Ronan, but I didn’t know how and I didn’t want to. As it got to the end of the ordination, I decided I just needed to talk to God.
Though I had been asking God the whole service, “Am I supposed to talk to him?” I never heard an answer.
I made a final prayer as the service ended, “God, you’ve brought him this far. If you really want me to talk to him I know you can make it happen, but you are going to have to force me.”
I felt a little more at peace as I went to the reception in the parish hall. I sat with my mom and our church friends. I was still a little nervous, but I knew I needed to let myself relax. I trusted God.
My mom picked up her plate and we went to throw our stuff away. Sure enough, Ronan and his dad happened to be standing right next to the garbage can. As we started to walk away, to my surprise, my mom smiled at them and said, “Did you go to this elementary school….?”
This was happening. We all caught up for about five minutes and Ronan realized who I was when I told him.
After we were done chatting with Ronan and his dad, my mom and I said goodbye and once again started to head out.
In my head I said, “Seriously, God? That’s it?”
Yet almost as soon as I prayed those words, I felt Ronan’s dad grab me by the shoulder as he exclaimed,
“Oh my gosh, I remember you! You are that girl Ronan liked in fifth grade! You guys need to talk.”
His dad proceeded to lead me back over to Ronan and he and my mom left us to be alone. This is the definition of being forced to talk to someone, isn’t it? God has a great sense of humor.
And you know what? We talked, and we clicked, and we wanted to talk more so we went on a date the next day.
I had my first kiss with Ronan about a week later.
I am no longer afraid of not meeting my “perfect guy.” I’m no longer constantly going places to meet guys or worrying when I mess something up. I know that God was able to bring us together in the most perfect way, and God is going to be able to do that for me throughout the rest of my life.
This story isn’t just about me. It applies to everyone.
God tells us that He can redeem any situation. When the world felt like it ended on Good Friday with Jesus' death, God fulfilled His promises and rose Jesus from the dead on Easter Sunday. Nothing is going to stop God from bringing the people into your life that you need, in His perfect timing.
When I didn’t get my first kiss that summer as a counselor I was definitely losing hope and I considered settling for something less than romantic.
God had other plans.
I learned to trust in His timing and wait on Him. When it comes to dating and guys, it makes the struggle that can come along with it so much lighter. I know that if I am meant to meet someone nothing will stop God from making that happen.
Let’s not underestimate God’s power. He knows what He’s doing, right?
We trust Him with so many other parts of our lives, so why not this one, too? I pray that you begin to trust Him with relationships and feel at peace with His timing.
Peace and hugs,
Alena
