Hey girl,
If you go to a traditional church like mine, you are probably pretty familiar with the timeless words in The Lord’s Prayer. It goes something like this:
“Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.”
The hardest part of this prayer in my opinion is the line “Thy will be done.” A prayer can be a supplication to God about something in your life that you want. However, regardless of your desires, God’s desires for you ultimately triumph. He is the Father of the universe, after all. As the children’s song goes, “He’s got the whole world in his hands.”
By saying “Thy will be done” you are putting into words the trust you have in God. You are telling Him you understand that His plans for you on earth are above all of your desires. So, this brings up important questions.
How do I know what God wants me to do versus what I want to do for myself? What is God’s will? What if I think God wants me to do something I really don’t want to do?
Friends, I have had a lot of these difficult questions answered in my life and I hope I can help you out a bit. It can be tough to navigate on your own.
I often depend on “signs” from God, and sometimes, I misinterpret God, or want a sign so much that I think that maybe I imagine it. When I was a freshman in college, I did this to myself, and it was so harmful.
I went to a conference with my College’s Catholic Club that was centered around vocations (careers). I was really happy to be at this conference, and I said a quick prayer to God while I was there.
“Hi God, I just pray that you help me to end up where I need to be. Help me to find my vocation.”
Then, something that I never do, but thought I’d try, I asked someone I knew who had passed away to intercede for me (a form of prayer usually done in the Catholic tradition, an intercession to the saints).
Not long after I said that prayer, I was approached by nuns at the conference who struck up a conversation with me and my friend. There were a lot of nuns milling about so this wasn’t a big deal, except that the brochure they handed me had my “saint’s” favorite flower on it. Also, as we spoke, they told me that there were orders of nuns in the Anglican denomination (my church) as well as in the Catholic church. I would never leave my denomination, so that truth hit me hard!
It made it plausible to me that I could actually go through with this, that God could actually want this for me.
As soon as the conference ended I called my mom. I cried into the phone about how I just knew God wanted me to explore this vocation, but I couldn’t stand the idea of being a nun.
My mom tried to talk me through it and explain that it didn’t necessarily mean that, and other reassuring words, but I felt convicted. The duration of my freshman year fall I had this heavy burden weighing on my heart. I felt like I needed to do God’s will even though it was completely different from my own.
I prayed about it a lot, but I didn’t feel any peace because I never wanted to hear God’s voice. I didn’t know how to listen to it anymore.
My relationship with God made me feel like I was a prisoner.
I fell into a dark place where I was no longer happy or able to enjoy college. I felt worthless without God, but I felt like a fake Christian when I went to church or prayed because I was simply going through the motions. I had drawn a complex diagram in my head of all the ways this one decision, this one disobedience, had the power to ruin everything God had planned for me.
One time, I asked Shaina, “How do you deal with getting angry at God? I get so mad at Him sometimes for things He doesn’t help with, or when I see the pain around me where He seems absent. How do you pray and worship when you’re furious with God?”
Her answer was really logical. She said:
“Where else can you turn when you are angry with God, when you are in a state of ruin, when you are questioning everything?”
All human beings are flawed, and though friends and family can ease your pain, you crave answers from the source of life because He is the only answer.
Life giving words like these are what helped change my mindset freshman year. I had stopped wanting to talk with the Lord at all, terrified that I would get more signs to confirm my worst fears.
Once I learned how to pray in a healthy way again, however, I was able to reflect on the difficult year. Finally, with lots of help from God and through family and friends, I saw why I had been wrong about what happened at that conference.
These are the truths about God’s will and love I learned through some hard lessons. Are you having trouble understanding God’s will in your life? If you are trying to discern whether something is really God’s will for you, try asking yourself these questions:
1. Does this decision fill you with the joy of the Lord? There are some cases where God’s will may make us a little scared or uncertain. God likes to get us out of our comfort zones. Loving our enemies selflessly for example, isn’t exactly an automatic desire of the heart. However, looking at my story, what I thought was God’s will was filling me with sorrow and resentment in relation to my heavenly father. I was fearful of God himself, not of what would happen if I followed His will. Check your heart. Are you struggling with a decision because it scares you, or are you struggling because you think God will be angry if you don’t go through with it?
2. Are you underestimating God’s power? God can do the impossible. I think that sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves. The burden I was carrying was ridiculous! I felt like I would mess my own life up, but even more so, the people whose lives God wanted me to touch if I didn’t go into this ministry. First of all, how on earth would I have been able to spread the love and joy of Jesus if I was miserable as a nun? Secondly, it’s crazy that I really believed I had the power to mess up God’s plans when we are talking about the God who moves mountains. No matter what path I choose in life, as long as I’m still trying to walk with God by my side, I’m going to get where I need to be, and help those who need it. If I didn’t hit “the mark,” I’m not worthless. God is way stronger than my “mistake.” Our God is a redeemer. He loves finding ways around our mistakes, and using our mistakes for our own good.
3. Do you feel like you are being pushed into this decision? God’s way isn’t forceful. If this is nun vocation is something that He still desires for me, my heart will change to become in line with that lifestyle. My thinking freshman year was all or nothing. I was stressed that if I didn’t agree with His plan for me at that exact moment in time, and I didn’t see my life going that way, I was ruining everything. That’s not how God works. He wouldn’t want me to go into this lifestyle if I wasn’t ready for it. God changes our hearts over time, with grace. He knows we are stubborn humans who take awhile to warm up to new paths.
I want to leave you with these freeing words from scripture:
In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.
Ephesians 3:12
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
2 Corinthians 3:17
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
John 8:36
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1
We are meant to walk through life with God knowing full well that Christ walks before us, behind us, and within us. Take heart in knowing that wherever you go, God is with you, and He wants what is best for you. He will always get you where you need to be because His plans and powers are far greater than your own. With whatever tough decision you may be facing, you can’t irreparably mess up God’s plan. You are not that powerful! Rest in that.
Blessings,
Alena
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