“I really want God to be ‘enough’ for me. I want to get to the point in my relationship with Him that I could be alone on a mountain somewhere and be content with just Him.”
Alena said this in a Bible study in December 2017. It stuck with me. She was so wise and right! That’s the goal: to just want God and nothing else in this world. I began to regularly pray this prayer, “Lord, I want you be ‘enough’ for me. I want to desire only You.”
Well, God really does answer prayers!
Someone once told me, “Don’t pray for something if you aren’t prepared for the Lord to give you an answer.” It’s so true!
God has used my time in college so far to teach me how to be content with only Him.
I should point out that being content with “only” God sounds ridiculous, right? He’s everything! He’s the reason I’m alive, why I have the amazing people in my life, how I’ve gotten through hard times, and He’s shown me His love so many times! Having “just” God is like having access to “only” the entire universe.The problem is, our hearts get tied up in the matters of this world too easily. I don’t know about you, but I tend to get distracted by the here and now more than what is lasting and enduring.
When I left for my first year of college the loneliness set in quickly. I was excited for my classes, I knew that I would be meeting new friends and joining clubs, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had left a lot behind in my hometown. I missed walking into my home church and being surrounded by my church family every Sunday. I missed the safety of my youth group, where I knew and loved my pastor and the other youth. I missed going to my favorite coffee shops with friends.
“Lord, I want you be ‘enough’ for me. I want to desire only You.”
I experienced the same feelings when I studied abroad. I was in a country where I didn’t know anyone. When I had the flu my second week in Switzerland, I had to run to different pharmacies and describe my symptoms in French. Every conversation had a cultural aspect to it. Cultural exchanges are amazing, but sometimes you need someone who can relate to your experience without needing an explanation. I felt like I could disappear and no one would notice for a few days.
Here’s the thing, it’s normal to feel this way. Especially at the beginning of college. I thought that I should have been feeling happy and excited all the time, but I wasn’t, so I thought something was wrong with me. Any new experience has a mix of emotions. Don’t compare your feelings and experience to the curated social media accounts of others. College and travel are great, but nothing is great all of the time.
I began to look forward to my long talks with God.
When I have been lonely in the past, I turned to other relationships to satisfy my needs. However, when I began college, and later, when I was abroad, I didn’t have anyone who knew me intimately. I began to talk to the Lord more because He was always there. Sometimes the time difference in Switzerland made it hard, so a conversation I might have had with a friend or family member became a talk with God. He helped me work so many things out in His caring and gentle way. I’ve always loved talking to God like a friend but these experiences taught me to go to Him with all of my thoughts and problems.
I began to look forward to my long talks with God. When something happened and I felt left out, or homesick, I would pray, “Can’t wait to talk to you about this later, God!” He began to feel more like a close friend I would text something exciting to, “Remind me to tell you about this when we talk later!”
These difficult seasons brought new depth and maturity to my relationship with the Lord. Yes, I need other people because we naturally crave community and that is good! But God became enough for me in these seasons. He changed my heart for the better by showing me that I could rely on Him and trust Him with every little thing, especially when I couldn’t rely on others.
God provides!
Within hours of arriving on campus my freshman year I was standing in line waiting for dinner when a sweet fellow freshman struck up a conversation with me. She said she was interested in religious life at our college. I was so happy! I had spent so many nights in high school praying for God to send me some Christian friends in college because I was worried about my faith. He answered that prayer loud and clear! Not long after I met that sweet friend, I met Alena at a Christian club where we talked for hours in her room that night and realized how much we had in common. Both of these friendships have lasted and become some of the most important friendships in my life.
In Switzerland, I met my closest friend the first afternoon I was in the country! I desperately wanted someone to explore the area with the first week before classes and God provided. Even when I was sick and running around to Swiss pharmacies, the pharmacist was patient with my French abilities. When I forgot the word for “cough” in French I acted it out instead, and the pharmacist helped me along the whole time, using what English she knew to meet me halfway. God has been with me through all of the most difficult times in my life. It’s hard to see the good in the difficult situation sometimes, but now I can see how present God was and that He did not lead me to new places without sticking with me.
Isaiah 41:10 tells us, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
One of the best parts of being a Christian is that we are always striving to know God better and become more Christ-like. Although it is difficult, the Lord has shown me how to approach challenging situations with an open mindset. In my time of loneliness abroad I turned to the Lord to ask Him what I could learn from the trials I was facing. It would have been easier to be bitter or upset with the people in my life or the circumstances that led me to be lonely. Yet since God was truly all I had, He helped me to turn to Him and seek His will in a difficult time instead.
Isaiah 41:10 tells us, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Being a Christian does not mean facing a life without challenges. We live in an imperfect world, but the Lord is perfect and promises us that He will never leave us in any struggle. He can bring insight and joy out of any situation, even though it can be so hard to believe that in the middle of the struggle.
Believe me, sweets, I know how hard it can be to trust God’s plan when we’re going through pain, especially if we feel alone in it. Have hope! Our Lord can make all things new (Isaiah 43:19)! He will not leave you and He has the power to make something beautiful out of this pain if you only have patience and trust in Him.
I pray that you find comfort in the Lord in this difficult time. We are designed to seek community, so reach out and find your people. Until you are set in a community though, know that you are not alone and you are so loved.
How have you found comfort in seasons of loneliness? What helped you during these times (prayer, journaling, etc.)?
Peace and blessings,
Shaina
