Hi friend,
I had a hard time feeling like I needed to fit into my college freshman year. Here’s what I learned: I probably never would fit in, and that’s okay! I’ve come to understand that not fitting in can even be a good thing.
When I first arrived at college as a freshman I had a good idea of my beliefs. Sure, I was worried about being a Christian on a college campus, but I didn’t think it would be too hard.
I began college open to the hook-up and drinking culture on campus. I didn’t plan on getting drunk and hooking up every weekend, but I knew that would be something I would see a lot, and I wasn’t sure where I would stand.
My first weekend on campus I went out. I stayed sober and went with a friend to a campus concert and later a party in the senior housing section. It was a lot to take in that first weekend of being away from home. It didn’t feel like my thing, but I felt like I should continue to go to parties because that’s what I always expected to do in college. I was at odds with myself on whether or not I would continue to go to parties or find something else to do on campus during the weekends.
As my first semester continued, I became frustrated with campus culture. I felt like my options were to party all weekend or stay in my dorm room watching Netflix. I realized I didn’t enjoy partying and all too often saw students going too far by drinking until they were sick and making decisions they later regretted. It’s possible to party safely and have fun, but that was not the dominant culture on my campus.
While I was struggling with this, an upperclassmen friend told me, “Every Christian experiences persecution some time in their lives. I don’t drink or compare hookups at the end of every weekend with friends. I’m living my faith out on this campus the way I feel called to do. If I feel left out along the way, it’s okay. I’m living for Jesus and that’s what matters.”
His words reminded me who I am and whose I am. The Lord calls us to live a life that honors Him. We honor Him with our bodies, our time, our actions, and our relationships. A person of faith has priorities that are different than others. As Christians, we are focused on what is beyond this world. “So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:18)
There is a bigger picture than the next party, weekend, or even four years. We have a focus on the eternal: Jesus.
College is often sold as “the best four years of your life.” While I don’t think that’s true for anyone, I think that phrase can set us up for disappointment in college. The world tells us college is the time to experiment and try new things. That’s totally true! I’ve experienced a lot of new things in college, just not how I expected.
College is a great time to go outside of your comfort zone, but that does not mean making decisions that might hurt yourself or others. I've learned how to put myself out there and make friends in a room full of strangers. If there is an event or club I am interested in that my friends aren't, I'm comfortable going by myself and meeting people along the way. I wanted to study abroad in a country my university doesn't usually send students, so I made it happen by myself and made great friends during my semester in Switzerland. I can pursue my own interests and be confident in my decisions because I know what I want out of my college experience.
It sounds silly, but I’ve learned so much in college! This past semester alone I went to guest lectures on Brexit, the situation in Nicaragua, Spain and Catalonia. I participated in a World War I Remembrance Ceremony and a discussion on Indigenous women’s rights. I have invested deeply in my relationships and I already know the college friends I have will be lifelong.
There are so many lessons to be learned in academics and social life. Despite what I used to believe, I never needed to go against my values in college. That’s just the lie society tells us. I have had just as good an experience as anyone else while living out my Christian values. I want to point out that these are my Christian values, it will look a little different for everyone and that's okay! It can take some time to figure out where you stand.
You can have great new experiences, but with intention. You might think a little differently about attending a party, for example: what will you drink, how much will you drink, how late will you stay, what will you wear, who will you go with? All of these questions are not meant to limit the fun you have. Instead, they are for you to understand going into a situation how you can participate while still honoring your God and yourself.
I have friends who drink at parties, but don’t get drunk. I also have friends who go to parties sober and have a great time. There are plenty of people who don’t go to parties because they simply don’t enjoy it. Try talking to God about what is the best way for you to experience life on campus before you go out, so you can be prepared to enjoy it whatever way is best. It might look a little different than how your friends go out and that’s okay! I know that doesn’t mean that it is easy. You aren’t alone in this journey. God is loving you and helping you throughout the whole process. You’re doing an amazing thing by honoring God and inviting Him into every decision in your life. How cool is it that you aren’t fitting the typical mold for the college experience because you believe in something greater than the here and now?
If you’re looking for some alternate activities to do on weekends, check out Alena’s ideas for fall and winter!
How do you honor God in the college culture? What are some ways you include Him in every part of your life?
Peace and blessings,
Shaina
